somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize