i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
