just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
