I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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