six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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