it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
