You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
