My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
