guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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