My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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