If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
