physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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