Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
