FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
