nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i dont even know how to be here
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
