i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize