He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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