dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
