went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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