Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
