my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
