I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
