I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
