I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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