I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
