I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
