A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize