So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
