My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
