stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
