Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
