This is not my ceiling
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
