I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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