The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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