what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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