I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
