he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Randomize
