He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
