Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
