i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
