i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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