He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
