I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
