What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
