We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
