he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
