I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I party with great urgency now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
