was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
