i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
