true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
