she was so not down for the gang bang
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
