I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize