Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize