So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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