Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
