There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
