there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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