dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
