Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
