There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
