You don't have asthma, your pregnant
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
