you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
