You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
