Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
