he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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