i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
