So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize