What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
