I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
