haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
