I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
